|Walmart VS Target|
The 30th installment of Epic Rap Battle Parodies. It features a royale of employees from Wal-Mart, Target, K-Mart, GameStop, Toys R Us, Sam's Club, Walgreens, Kroger, Costco, and The Mall. It was released November 22nd, 2013.
Justin Buckner as Wal-Mart Employee, Himself, Brony #1, Joe, SCP-173, Andy Milonakis, John Wayne, Private Ryan, Ryan Dunn, George Harrison, Ringo Starr, John Lennon, Zain Malik, Liam Payne, Niall Horan, Louis Tomlinson, Dovahkiin, Angry Video Game Nerd, Matt Groening, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, Cole Phelps, Jack the Ripper, Percy Jackson, The Merchant, Tom Anderson, MissingNO, Al Capone, Gary Oak, Steve Smith, Paul Blart, God, Finn's Dad, Gunfight Civilian and Aaron Goodwin
Nathan Provost as K-Mart Employee, Seth MacFarlane, Hoody, Mark Zuckerberg, Murder Victim, Tony Montana, Ash Ketchum Vault Boy, Paul McCartney, Himself, Puff Puff, Niko Bellic, Grover Underwood, Macklemore, and Nick Groff
Rhiannon as Jessie J
DHFilms as Murder Victim
I expected more from your shitty corporation,
But I Payed Less, so you have no high expectations!
Always Low Prices? Bullshit, you know that's a lie,
When you sell a pillow for the price of a gold-chained tie!
Wipe off that Smiley Face like you did with the retro star,
Your dell reeks of a homeless boy who just came out of the bar!
Get ready Wal-Mart, I'm gonna stomp you into a flea market,
I'll pull out my bow, because you are my next Target!
Talk about pay less when your economy is high,
Saying "Here pay 500 bucks for this cherry apple pie!"
You sell expired food, and you're calling me a fraud?
I'm the true superstore, scrap that, Supergod!
Save money and live better when I kick your ass,
I'm lovin' it, serving you frying rhymes with a Big Mac!
I've got prices that go down lower than your mother!
I expected more from you, stay on Target, you bugger!
Attention, Kmart shoppers, we got a special offer, homie,
The ass-kicking of Target and Wal-Mart for half price, limited time only!
My cold rhymes will surely make you ship your pants,
With these big gas savings, you'll be left in a trance,
I got a gas station, a car wash, and a café!
This shit ain't about the price tags, yeah, listen to Jessie J!
Discount your lines from this battle, Kmart's the one who'll win,
My raps are true bargains, yours just belong in the bin!
GameStop it already, you so-called corporations,
Before I Bioshock you, Super Smash you like a PlayStation!
You think you're superior enough to make everything you sell overpriced?
Have a five-dollar coupon and a Wii Points Card; buy yourself a life!
My shops are all over the world with all sorts of awesome names,
Micromania, MovieStop, Babbage's, EB Games!
I've got an Impulse to tell you all that I'm the greatest retailer,
So prepare to get crushed when I bring Power to the Players!
Toys R' Us Employee:Edit
KKKKKK, yeah, shut the heck up and park it,
Go back to your clan, and step out of the black market!
I only have to open up my doors and the children come flooding in,
You break, you buy, so you better get on your ass, and start cleaning,
You close your shop at 11 to have a break, I'm open all night!
The only time I'd be a customer is to tell you I'm always right!
I may be Toys R Us, but this battle belongs to me!
Screw Target and the 'marts, I make little kids happy!
Sam's Club Employee:Edit
You can call me Sam's Club, bitch, I got the ultimate deals!
Crushing you puny punks with my bulk, leave you in rubble, Fo' reals!
I'll put your ass on blast, you two marts and shit, selling everything on clearance just to market it?
I'll start a fit with wits, so let me Target this, you motherfuckers should know never to come at this!
And GameStop, get real, what's with your shitty ass trades?
I'm attracting buying customers, leave all your stores deserted for days,
And what's your giraffe ass gonna do? Splash me with a water gun?
You're just a Toys R Us Bitch, insert pedophile pun!
Alright motherfuckers, welcome to Walgreen's!
I'm the dopest pharmacy store, that you've done ever seen!
I have a hell load of customers, but enough time to fuck you up,
I'll diss every aspect of you, from Wal-Fart to Gay-Stop,
What would you guys be without me? Just one pile of shit!
My service is twenty times faster, just go on and live with it,
We bring pills, ointments and plasters in all kinds of colors,
I'll bury you all alive with this shovel, only twenty-five dollars!
You cheesy crappy supermarkets ain't seen nothing yet,
I've got better products than all of you, we don't even need to bet!
What the hell is a Sam's Club? Man, just merge yourself with BJ's!
You faggots, you literally proved that stores can be gays!
You think you can outnumber me? Ha, you're really out of luck!
If you're not satisfied with the product, I don't give a fuck!
Toys R Us likes little kids? Huh, what a perv!
This final line is like my checkout, cause you just got served!
Clear your shelves, I'll shut you down, I'll be the number one retailer,
I'd say the same for you, but you're all just failures!
These rhymes are just a sample of what I can do to you!
I'll cream you punks and turn you into quality food!
We're VIP, only the best deserve to enter,
You drain the souls of all your shoppers just like a Dementor!
You can't win, it's impossible; I'm afraid you've lost yo,
So drop like my prices and bow down to Costco!
The greatest supermarket coming in, who you gonna call?
If you think you won't fall, then suck this mall's balls!
I've been around for ages, yet you call yourself history?
When I was built, all you faggots wanted to come inside of me!
Where else can you get a video game and a meal?
A mall is filled with everything, it's pretty much the best deal!
And without me, you guys would all have nowhere to live,
So be thankful, otherwise I've got no K's to give!
Wal-Mart, I got Paul Blart, Target, you're not God.
You aren't o-K-mart and GameStop's just got COD!
Step into my food court, you won't be acquitted,
Cause you're Walgreen of jealousy, fellas, you're all bitches just admit it!
Isn't it a gimmick when you're pinning down the king,
You're just little prick thrift shops, who think you can win it!
Well it's time to lock up for the night, your shift's done,
I've put you all out of business, and there are no refunds!