John Marston vs Niko Bellic - Epic Rap Battle Parodies

John Marston vs Niko Bellic - Epic Rap Battle Parodies

Niko Bellic VS John Marston
Battle Information
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Other Information

The 3rd installment of Epic Rap Battle Parodies. It features Red Dead Redemption's cowboy John Marston against Grand Theft Auto's criminal Niko Bellic. It was uploaded January 15th, 2013.


Nathan Provost as Niko Bellic

Justin Buckner as John Marston and Roman Bellic


Niko Bellic:Edit

I am the baddest of the bad in Liberty City,

You're a drunken cowboy, whose cousin dosen't like titties,

I can ride in my motorcycles, and my mega-sports cars,

Massacring hospitals, while you can only shoot up bars,

When you get home, your wife smacks you in the face,

I can get a million girlfriends with my online dates!

  • Beat stops


Roman Bellic:Edit

Cousin, let's go bowling!

Niko Bellic:Edit


John Marston:Edit

Go back to Europe, you foreign prick,

Or I will mess up your life like I did Van Der Linde's,

I'll stomp you with my boots like a do with cockroaches,

Go back to your little taxis, i'll relax in the stagecoach,

The Tw@ Cafe is the only twat you'll ever get..

So here's one dollar, go ahead in!

You can't drive a car or even a bicycle,

Let alone four horses on a wagon doin' a pull.

Niko Bellic:Edit

Cluckin' Bell, Burger Shot, why don't you have both?

When the church bell rung you got shot? What a joke!

For God's sake, you can't even swim, what the hell man?

Your son Jack's a little pussy, can't even skin a damn elk..

Nobody likes you, you got betrayed,

Don't open the barn door, you'll get sprayed..

John Marston:Edit

Stand over there, let's have a duel,

You can't handle a gun man, go back to school,

And your Roman Bellic? He's a damn retard,

24/7 he's always in the titty bar,

Doesen't matter though, I won this battle,

Continue being poor, I'll just ride my Saddler!


  • This is the first rap battle to feature a cameo
  • This is the first battle to have a beat an actual ERB has as well. This does not happen again until M. Night. Shyamalan vs Ed Wood and Stephen King vs Edgar Allen Poe.
Who Won?

The poll was created at 03:11 on February 25, 2013, and so far 15 people voted.