|U.S Presidents Royale|
Justin Buckner as John Adams, John Quincy Adams, William Henry Harrison, Millard Fillmore, Rutherford B. Hayes, Chester A. Arthur, William Taft, Harry S. Truman, Lyndon B. Johnson, George H.W Bush, and George W. Bush
Mat4yo as Thomas Jefferson, Andrew Jackson, Zachary Taylor, James Buchanan, Andrew Johnson, Benjamin Harrison, Woodrow Wilson, Calvin Coolidge, Dwight D. Eisenhower, and Gerald Ford
I cannot tell a lie, I'm going to beat you to death!
This tale will have a bloodier ending than Shakespeare's Macbeth!
I defeated the British, you're nothing, watch your back!
You'll get mashed as I lash out ferocious attacks!
I'm the party-less partier, you're like my concessionaire!
Are you scared? 'Cause I'm cross with you like the Delaware!
You got hitched to a witch that you write letters with,
Just like I made you my Vice President, I'll make you my bitch!
You might be president number one, but I'm number one in this ring!
So get down from your horse and feel the pain that I bring!
Your rhymes are criminal, I know because I studied law!
And the only wood on your body are those fake teeth in your jaw!
You're not the father of our country, or even the father of kids!
You had no opponent and I pronounce your victory invalid!
I'm not afraid of you George, you should be able to see,
That I'll send an ax right though your neck just like it's a cherry tree!
It's the mighty Republican here to dis these Federalist skanks!
I wrote the damn Declaration! Can I at least get a thanks?
When in the course of my disses, you guys completely loose it,
And one truth becomes self-evident, you two can't spit for shit!
You losers will be like Hamilton in his duel with Aaron Burr,
While you messed around, I made the Louisiana Purrrrchase!
This is a Northwest Passage into a realm of death and misery,
So now I'll claim my victory and erase you both from history!
You think we'll like if you say you hate slavery, Jefferson?
Bitch please, you owned tons, you even had sex with one!
You say you know about law, John? I'm the father of the Constitution!
The War of 1812 won't quite be as bloody as your execution!
The removal of your asses is a bill I fully support!
I'm the better James, it's a shame you came up so short,
My ratings are about to skyrocket through the damn ceiling,
You won't be able to cry after you've been Nullified!
You want to bicker with Old Hickory? I'll show you who's boss!
Just like the Creeks at New Orleans, you'll be dished out a bloody loss!
I'll dismantle you like the Bank, punks, you know you can't win!
You guys will leave a Trail of Tears when I remove you like the Indians!
You dicks aren't worth shit, so prepare to get nixed!
If I beat up an assassin, I can handle you six!
Martin Van Buren:Edit
You say you removed the Indians like it's a good thing, bitch,
That doesn't count as an accomplishment, it just makes you a dick!
I'll Martin Van Ruin your asses until you all pass away!
'Cause, get this, your rhymes aren't even close to okay!
William Henry Harrison:Edit
It's William Henry Harrison here to spit a dis!
You're as crazy as your hair, Van Buren, if you think you can win this!
I held office for a month? Yeah, whatever, drop the slander!
'Cause history should remember me as a great military commander!
Not wearing a coat in a snowstorm? Gee, Willy, you're dumb!
Well I hope you brought one this time, because my rhymes will make you numb!
Wanna call me ugly? Ha! I had two wives and fifteen kids!
I may not be remembered, but I did a way better job than Harrison did!
James K. Polk:Edit
I wasen't exactly the first president, but it seems there isn't much I've missed!
It's pretty obvious that no one cares who John Tyler is!
I'll crush you like Clay, until this rap duel is done,
If I say I'm going to beat all ten of you, I'll have this battle won!
I'm old, rough, and ready to make you swallow your words,
With forty years of military service, you winning would be absurd!
You wanna fight like little sissies? I'll take this battle by force,
And Polk, with your shitty rhymes, you really are the Dark Horse!
I nearly fainted when I heard I had to fill-in for this dick!
Your stomach led to your death, yet you're the one making me sick!
I now declare the act to bring these fools Reconstruction,
You better move outta here, because you all know nothing!
Quite Frankly, you should have realized that i'll Pierce you with disrespect,
'Cause it's MC fourteen that the people will truly want to elect!
The 13th spot is what you got Mil, and it's what you deserve,
You're out of luck, you numb nuts! You got presidentialy served!
James Buchanan here to up and win this race!
Frank, you're a disgrace, you'll see that you're the true dough face!
I'll be James Bu-banging all your wives, can't you see?
And after this is done, you shall acknowledge, no master but me!
I'm rapping against the worst leader America will ever find,
Why don't you go home to your wife? Oh wait, never mind!
When compared to me, you all have no meaning whatsoever,
The Nation split? Fuck that shit, I'll just put it back together!
I was born to a poor family on the Western frontier,
But went on to be the greatest president with the greatest beard!
The civil lawyer is about to serve justice to you haters,
You know you can't trade blows with the Great Emancipator!
I can't believe I had to succeed this Monumental, scrawny, wreak!
This destructive Democrat will put your whole army in check!
This Vice won't be nice, I'll make the whole country rave,
Let's be Honest, Abe, you didn't actually free the slaves!
Ulysses S. Grant:Edit
You're the one who will need freeing when this battle is done!
You wanna talk about the Civil War? Well guess what, bitch? We won!
You only became president because Abe Lincoln bit the dust,
I'm scruff and gonna rough you up, because enough is enough!
You can all me Big Guns McGruff because I'm radical in battle,
I'll beat you in a way that'll force you to stop this prattle!
I'm remembered as a veteran, you wanna try and beat me?
In the end, you'll be surrendering like Robert E. Lee!
Rutherford B. Hayes:Edit
You fought a war, no one cares, get lost!
'Cause this big, bad, man is one you should have never crossed!
I'll send you into a Hayes, I've got a reputation in bravery,
See, I'd make you all my bitch, but we just put an end to slavery!
It would seem an impossible feat to lose to President Hayes,
I accomplished more than you in a span of 200 days!
By all the ways and means appropriate, this battle is mine,
I'll defeat you punks in Greek and Latin at the same time!
Chester A. Arthur:Edit
Prepare to get beat by the U.S's greatest president!
Scram, Garfield, maybe go and get your ass shot again!
Or fight me, but you'd lose with all the skills that I've massed,
You think I'm not well known? That won't stop me from being a bad ass!
Greatest president? Your administration was shit!
You've got a cool mustache, and that's about it!
Don't obsess over etiquette, because I won't play nice,
I'm the only man praised enough to be president twice!
The true leader's come to show you who's boss, Cleveland,
I'll flag you outta the country and have you lyrically beaten!
I'm rich, bitch, you could say it's All About the Harrisons!
Against me, there's no comparison, you're a disgrace to all Americans!
Not so fast, Grover Cleveland, you don't get a second turn!
I'll be standing tall like Mount McKinley as I dish out some burns!
You're rich, Ben? I've got the gold standard, can't you see?
That everyone of you needs to get up and get the fuck outta my country!
Were you trying to spit good rhymes? 'Cause it seems you've botched!
Now, I'll assassinate your ass harder than Leon Czolgosz!
I'm most loved, to my rank and you can't get higher,
Hell, I'm spitting more heat than a goddamned wildfire!
I'll shove these rhymes down your throat and stuff you like a Teddy Bear,
Learn a thing about politics, compared to me, you go nowhere!
To trust, bust, and crush with one thrust is a must,
I lust combusting these punks and watching them bite the dust!
I'm baffled by this ass who thinks he can beat William Taft!
It makes me laugh, you think you're brave, you couldn't even shoot a calf!
You wanna see some real justice? Well I'll show you just that!
Don't diss me because I'm fat, I can still kick your ass!
I'll go hard as a Bull Moose on these dumb Repubs,
Pretty Conservative of your fat ass to get stuck in a tub!
I'm a true politician, led us through a World War,
Wanna knock on Wood-row? Well I won't open the door!
Warren G. Harding:Edit
It's time for the reeling dealing Harding to unhitch!
I'm steaming like a Tea pot, gonna blow the roof off this bitch!
You think you were a great man, Wilson? You made the blacks pissed!
Sure, you promised them equality, but all you were was racist!
Oh, shut up, Hardick, I can win without a doubt,
Shame that this time, you can't just gamble yourself out!
I'll be Conservative as I lyrically dispose you of turds!
You can call me Silent Cal, I can kill you without words!
Watching you rap is Depressing, I'm gonna send your ass home!
You maybe Cool and all that, but my rhymes are ice cold!
How 'bout you feed me the country, I've got an appetite for power!
I'll leave you all in Hoovervilles by the time we're done this hour!
Franklin D. Roosevelt:Edit
FDR here, step back, shit's about to get real!
Wanna give us a Depression? Well I'll give you a New Deal!
America, just watch as I spit Fireside Chats at these brats,
I can't even move my feet, yet I can still kick your ass!
I've lead a country for 12 years and I'll bring these fools to tears,
I'm gonna shove an arsenal of Democracy straight up all of their rears!
I'm the biggest of the Big Three, I'll beat you and then,
The country will scream out in glee "Happy Days are here again!"
Harry S. Truman:Edit
My lyrical atomic bombs will put you outta fashion,
Prepare to see some action as you're crushed worse than the Axis!
Roosevelt, I'm not even going to try and pretend,
That I won't bring you down faster than I brought World War II to an end!
Dwight D. Eisenhower:Edit
Harry, I've done more than anything you could ever do, man,
'Cause according to this newspaper, Dewey defeated Truman!
You're all just cowards, Eisenhower's got the power,
And if you don't Like Ike, then best prepare to get devoured!
John F. Kennedy:Edit
Oh, so you're going to try and devour every human being alive?
America was doing fine until you had to arrive!
Don't try to kill me, out rap me, my loss is impossible!
You'll know what it feels like to get squashed by the boss!
I'll building walls, shooting missiles, sending people into space,
You've got a problem with me winning? Well then say it to my face!
I'm here to stay, this is just a temporary Invasion of Pigs!
Next time, why don't you let a true leader handle these things!
Lyndon B. Johnson:Edit
This'll be one small dis for a man, but one giant dis for mankind,
Your brain was blown out, so here, have a piece of my mind!
I'm bringing Law and Order to this battle 'cause it's out of control!
Have fun getting the Johnson Treatment, you oaf-ish assholes!
Think quick, 'cause you're all about to get kicked by Tricky Dick,
What the Dickens is wrong with this chicken, does the B. stand for Bitch?
I bring cheers upon the nation, you're queers with no variation,
And I'll break your adoration without a hint of hesitation!
You better resign fast, before I whip your homophobic ass,
You couldn't handle that scandal, bitch, you're a thing of the past!
I was tough, my life was the longest any presidents lived,
And each of you was worse than the economy that I had to deal with!
What is this guy doing here, he wasn't elected, I don't see,
What makes him anymore important than a bag of peanuts!
My raps are like the Berlin Wall, they block yours like a barrier,
Thanks for passing away, Ford, it certainly made my Christmas Merrier!
You might have nuts, but you certainly don't have balls!
You won't have anything to hide behind when I tear down this wall!
Every newspaper will tell of your defeat via political comics,
I'll inflate these fools and give them a taste of Reaganomics!
You think you can beat me? Ha, ha, ha, too funny,
And I'm not acting either, I'll give you a run for your money!
It's Morning in America, so I suggest you awaken,
And realize that there's no way you can win against Ronald Reagan!
George H.W Bush:Edit
Stop with the acting crap, you're nothing but a drama queen!
Get out of the White House, bitch, and go back to your Jellybeans!
I'll make a mess of any presidential wreck in the Oval Office,
And defeat you all harder than I did Michael Dukakis!
I'm fresh in my prime, George, and you're just old and outdated,
Slick Willy here to make a comeback that has long been awaited!
Better call Al Gore, 'cause shit's about to get hella hot,
As I burn each and every one of you for the bullshit you've brought!
George W. Bush:Edit
So you passed some bills, Bill? Who the hell even cares?
I had two great terms as president, you just had some affairs!
Don't mess with Texas, or me for that matter, alright?
Now I declare myself the winner of this Presidential Fight!
Ah look, It's Dubya Bush, I remember you chump!
You tried to make your daddy proud, but sent America to the dumps!
Just try and go against me, fool, Obama don't care,
I finished off Bin Laden, bitch, you better be scared!
I'm revolutionary, the first black president in history,
I'll kick your ass like I did Romney's, I'm in for a hell of a victory!
Now that I've defeated all the Georges, Johns, James's, and Bills,
My successor's gonna have some, pretty big shoes to fill!